i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
