At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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