Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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