What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize