All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize