My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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