He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize