so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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