we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
