I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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