I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't deserve a penis
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
