My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You were trust falling into bushes
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
