Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm at about main and main street
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
