Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
