Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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