I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
