she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
