so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
