we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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