I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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