I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
