Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
