apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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