I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
