Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Randomize
