I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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