I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
