Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
