i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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