I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the day after is always just damage control
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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