It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
