people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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