Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
