I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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