Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
