She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
