I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
