Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
