just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
