Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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