Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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