he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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