i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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