I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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