I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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