Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
they need to just BURY HIM!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize