32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
