A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
