Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize