I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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