I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
