also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
