chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
