Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
