everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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