I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
