If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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