I just saw a hot homeless man
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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