Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
