I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize