His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
