Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
