Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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